Discovering ourselves
Next week, Neil and I are attending this seminar called the "Discovery Weekend". It's supposed to let us assess our relationship and help us prepare for marriage.
The seminar will last through the whole weekend. And, get this - no cellphones allowed. Which means we won't be able to communicate with the outside world. Hmm, perhaps that would be good, since we're going to have to be focused on the whole thing.
Wish us well. =)
Sweet Transvestite from Transexual Transylvania
Last night I saw The Rocky Horror Show. It was a blast! What with black net stockings, skimpy clothing, blue orange gold hair colors, and a lotta butts - regardless of gender - it was most entertaining. Now I'm downloading MP3s from the musical. (Well if you woke up this morning singing "I'm a sweet transvestite from transexual transylvania...")
Hmmm. Really enjoyed the play.
Of disappointments and compromises
Let's say you've been looking for something.
Something that, long ago, you could only envision in your mind. But now, as you are given the opportunity to realize it, you feel happy and lucky and excited to go look for it.
I was fortunate enough to be given that chance.
I went to look for it. I was encouraged to look for it. It became part of my fate to look for it.
When I found it, there were no questions. This was it. What I was looking for. I was at peace with it. It was home.
And then, suddenly - it's going to be taken away. This thing I have my heart and my mind set on.
Certain compromises have to be made. Certain disappointments.
Sick in the city
After working late last Friday night, I looked forward to a nice dinner, a relaxing talk with Leah (hmm, were office stuff relaxing?), and perhaps watching a movie with John and his niece Ria.
Well, I did meet up with Leah - and talked about the office incident which happened early Friday evening (and which turned my stomach round)...met up with John, Ria, and another niece of his to watch Ghost Ship, which shook my (and Leah's) nerves. Ate five pieces of California Maki and a large Pepsi for dinner while watching the frigging movie. We at least had a relaxing time drinking coffee at Seattle's GB3, people-watching and chatting with the young. At 3:30 am, after taking Ria and Liz home, I realized my stomach was grumbling - so we went to Isshin to have some of their famous Ramen.
At around 4:30 am my stomach seemed to be taking a different turn. Strange - I never felt something like this before. Finally, at 5, we called it a night (morning) - and I dropped by the drugstore to buy some antacids before going home.
Woke up around lunchtime with that horrible, horrible stomach pain. Neil arrived (we were supposed to look up houses) - and stayed and took care of me. The pain wouldn't go away, so Neil took me to the ER at midnight. Two shots of painkillers. Strong antacids for the stomach.
Sunday - the pain still hasn't gone away. John and Pebbles paid me a visit - at least I was distracted from the horrible pains.
Monday - I couldn't go to work. Went back to the hospital - the doctor had too many patients in line; I was told to come back today.
Finally had that check-up today. Gaaad. A series of lab tests. I thought I was going to die when they got the blood samples from me. The test tube where they put my blood was full to the brim. Eeek. I felt very weak after that and cursed that blasted California Maki and Pepsi. I'm scheduled for an endoscopy on Thursday as well. They're going to see what's really wrong with my stomach. Mom's coming over; just in case I might need to be confined.
Tomorrow, I'm going to work. I NEED TO!!! Loads to do.
Darn this stomach. Auugggh.
Six months to go!
...and I still haven't started on the wedding preps. I didn't realize we only have six months to go until that family affair at Neil's last Sunday - where everyone talked about - yup - our wedding.
Funny thing is, we haven't talked about it yet - again - for a month now...? Gaaaaad. We seriously thought May '03 was too far away still.
=p
No more holiday home trips for me!
Yeah, after that 12-hour ride going home, and 10-hour ride going back to Manila, I swear, I ain't going home anymore on holidays! Instead, I'll bring home here in Manila. ;p
Six hours into the trip and we were still edging our way through the north expressway - I wanted to get out of the car and walk back to Manila. Well, what probably added to my irritation was that I was coming down with something.
True enough, when I got home, my coughing fits got worse. I kept barking along with Tabitha that night. I fell ill.
What a great way to spend a "restful" weekend.
Lazy Baguio weekend
I went up to Baguio during the weekend. The trip was planned weeks ago, but suddenly - no one was going - except me and John.
So, what do you do when the head count = 2? We found the best thing to do was - sleep and eat. Hmmm, come to think of it, I never really knew you could do that much sleeping and eating in Baguio.
The moment we arrived, we slept. I woke up earlier than John, so I took a walk down Session road, took a sniff of the Baguio air, sensed the locals as well as the people on vacation.
I went back to the inn to find John still - asleep. I shook him awake before we start to look pathetic (yeah, considering we just arrived!). We walked to Cafe by the Ruins to have lunch - at 230 pm already.
Realizing we both had to do Number Two, we hurried back to the inn. (Well, we stopped over a travel agency on the way; John had to buy his ticket for Bacolod. Yup, one sensible thing we did!)
And then we slept.
And woke up at 9pm.
Can you imagine anything or anyone so lazy???
We went out to have dinner at Nevada Square. Gasp! Cafe et Biscotti wasn't there anymore. BrewYard was closed. Gaaaaddd. Where are the cool places I used to go to? We had dinner at this new grillery resto. The food sucked.
Right after that horrible dinner, we decided to bar-hop. Well, at least do something significant with our lives. As Maiete suggested, we tried Salud Bistro.
When we got there, no one was there. I looked at my watch. Gasp! It was already 11pm (rolling my eyes). Shyet. This early and no one around.
We went to Legarda St., where Gimbals is. Kids, kids, and more kids. Stuffy room, long line outside. We hopped to Alberto's, where a band was playing. We sat down for a while. I ask John, exasperated: Where are all the beautiful people????
Gaaad.
We left Alberto's and walked around. Finally, we gave up. Nothing to see, nothing to do.
John was already feeling awful. Yep, he was sick.
We went back to the inn. Turned on the TV...ate Oreos and Kornets. Fell asleep. Again.
Woke up late the next day. Auuuggggh!!! Am supposed to meet mom somewhere. Yup, she was in Baguio, too, with friends.
I left John. He really really looked awful. His fever was still burning.
I went around town - met mom, bought pasalubongs and bilins. Muni-muni while walking, as Neil would say.
And John, poor boy, was left at the inn. He only got up when it was time to leave for Manila.
Hmmm. It was a different kinda adventure.
=)
Best wishes, dear friend
It took all of my willpower to stop the tears about to flow down my face.
The moment I saw you in that wedding dress - beautiful, glowing, most of all, peaceful - a mix of emotions came over me. I was seized with sadness, joy, anxiety, security, fear, relief.
I tried to remember the first time I saw you that beautiful, shining. Ah, we were nine then. It was our class Christmas party. You were in this pink two-piece dress. You had on white stockings (yeah, white stockings were in, I had a pair on, too). We were dancing in a circle, laughing, smiling - the simple joys of childhood that made us feel we were on top of the world.
Next. We were 11. It was a formal school affair. We were both in white. Dancing with those boys. Trying hard to look demure; the sides of our lips almost about to break from trying hard not to laugh.
And then we were 14. You had that certain je ne sais quois. Aaah. It was that boy. Made my stomach queasy every time he broke your heart.
At 16, we learned to put on make up (well, lipstick). It was the start of a series of beauty tips and regimens in sleepover sessions.
A blast from the past made our bond stronger. The love you found was that boy who irritated me to no end when I was five. We were 17.
We moved on to the real world. It was a meaningful move. It led us to search...forever going on trips to seek what the world offered us; endless coffee conversations; sleepless sleepovers.
It was there that you found the man you are to marry.
My stomach turns queasy again. It's time for me to walk. The wedding coordinator calls my attention. Walk now, she says. Walk slowly. I nod.
I turn to you. There you are - beautiful, glowing, peaceful.
Before I start to walk, I blow you a kiss.
Surprisingly, the queasiness disappeared. I start to walk down the aisle, towards the altar. As I do, I look up to Him and ask Him to watch over you.
As I reach the podium and wait for you, I look at you. Silently I wish you the best. With all the love I have for you.
Spacing out
Yeah. For an hour now just staring off space thinking about nothing oh something the dots on the ceiling what are those?
God. Wouldn't it be nice to just do nothing think nothing feel nothing but something feels like something like exhaustion and something like dread and i don't like it at all.
Now. Have to go back to work no go back to studying no go back to staring off space oh shit i can't make a bright decision help me God.
Death Be Not Proud!
I feel I'm going to die this week.
Try having these in one week:
Aaaaaarrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
I cannot die this week.
I will try not to.
Death, be not proud.
The quarter-life crisis
Read on...and relate. =)
They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you are.
You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for one, and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared.
You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all. You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused.
Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.
You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.
You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!
What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. We are making a lot of mistakes, but helping one another learn from them and reaching out to pull one another up. We are not the shiniest group of people, but we are very much a circle. We are there for one another and will listen and grow for the rest of our lives. We will piss one another off, but we will also heal one another's hearts. We are the group who sometimes doesn't need words but will laugh at the end of a conversation that started with angry words.
I don't know where this came from, but when I read it, I was awed.
It spoke about me.
