Need: new job ASAP
Still haven't got paycheck. Not doing anything fulfilling at work. No sense of passion for job. Need I say more?
Although I already have prospects for my next possible employment, there's still the bulging issue - my pregnancy. Who would hire a pregnant woman? Of course, am hoping they would. Praying really hard.
So please say a little prayer for me too.
Quarter-life
Yup! 25 it is.
I spent my birthday with this feeling of - I can't place it properly - sublimity. I guess it had something to do with preparing for motherhood, while still trying to be career-oriented...at 25. I know I shouldn't burden myself with these issues now...so am trying...
Anyway, I spent a quiet day at home with Neil (had him file a 'birthday-of-wife' leave from the office, hehehe). Then we had dinner with very close friends - only a few of them. I guess I didn't feel like celebrating with a blast this year - mostly because I get tired too easily and might not enjoy a rowdy night.
Birthday wish? A normal and healthy baby. Yup, as one friend put it - Olats ka na. Sa baby mo na lahat. Hehehe.
Oh, and before I end this post - many thanks to the people who did not forget. =)
Late post-holiday post (whatever)
As soon as 2003 ended I started to think what to write in my blog. I had a million thoughts in my head - but I had to fall ill. Damnit. I was sick after Christmas and right through New Year's Eve and a few days after that. Disabled. Couldn't even sit up long enough to type.
Thanks to April she had this list of questions on her blog...and I thought, why not? Makes things easier for me, too. ;p
Here they are:
1. What did you do in 2003 that you'd never done before?
Went to a gay bar. Got married. (Wait. That's two totally different occasions!)
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Uh, no...
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes, Ginny.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, thank God.
5. What would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003?
A child? Hehehe. Am having my first this year.
6. What date from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
May 31 of course! My wedding day. No dad, no choir, one maid-of-honor less, a borrowed flower girl...sigh. Ask anyone who was present.
7. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Finally get hitched...? Hehehe.
8. What was your biggest failure?
Deciding to get out of OHSI.
9. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Gastritis
10. What was the best thing you bought?
11. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Neil's.
12. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Rex, at one point.
13. Where did most of your money go?
Preps for the wedding: facials, beauty stuff, dinners
14. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Friends coming home to attend the wedding
15. What song/album will always remind you of 2003?
Norah Jones
16. Compared to this time last year, are you: happier or sadder?
Sadder. Last year was family reunion year so I was always out.
17. Thinner or Fatter?
Is pregnancy fat?
18. Richer or poorer?
A little richer, but feeling I've lost a lot.
9. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Go out
20. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Worrying
21. Did you fall in love in 2003?
Hmmm, yes, again
22. What was your favorite TV program?
Six Feet Under. Sex and the City came when I was too disabled because of my first trimester, so I didn't get to enjoy it.
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No, still hate the same old people, heehee
24. What was the best book you read?
Girl With a Pearl Earring
25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Maksim
26. What did you want and get?
Confirmations...
27. What did you want and not get?
More time
28. What was your favorite film of this year?
FInding Nemo?
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Spent with whole clan, first time to introduce Neil to the kin. Had fever. Then treated friends to Chilli's. 24 years.
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
A nicer wedding.
5. Who did you miss?
Hazel, for my wedding.
36. Who was the best new person you met?
Uh, John's best friend Dick perhaps?
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003:
Patience is really the key.
Found my soul?
You are naturally born with a gift, whether it be
poetry, writing or song. You love beauty and
creativity, and usually are highly intelligent.
Others view you as mysterious and dreamy, yet
also bold since you hold firm in your beliefs.
What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla
Holiday frenzy - not
Nine days before christmas - and everyone's running around ticking off their christmas lists.
Not me!
Am disabled, and broke. Eek. Bad combination.
My doctor had one prescription for me: no malling. Imagine that!!! She said I can only go around after the holidays. Wah. It's just that the baby's been moving around a lot (i.e., my tummy's contracting) - that's why I need a lot of rest.
And then - they haven't paid me yet. Yup, delayed salary. That, plus I haven't received my last pay from OHSI yet. Equals one dukha person.
Sigh. This is the poorest I have ever been.
Really, get me out of here, please!
I'm not happy.
I don't know if it's too early to tell, but the co. has so far unimpressed me. Besides doing blah work for a month now, I'm not learning anything. At all.
And it's not as petty as the guard logging my every move, or the deductions from my 10-minute tardiness, or the warnings I get.
It just doesn't work for me.
And Neil won't believe me. Aarrrggghhh!
Pleaasssseee I want out.
I miss my YM days...
The very first thing I did when I entered my new job was to download the Yahoo Messenger program.
Alas - it was in vain. They did not allow chatting in my new office.
I told myself - it's okay; maybe it's time I lessened my online time. I should be okay with sending email to my friends.
It's driving me crazy!
I feel so out touch. I don't know what's going on with the world anymore. And, they don't know what's going on with me.
I've lost my touch with adjectives and expletives. Gone were the days when one single *status message* can stir up five hours of conversation with different people. Now I can't even precisely describe what I'm feeling (or maybe it's the pregnancy hormones, I don't know).
Micaela (Depresaka): Take me away from here!
We're pregnant!
Yes we are! =) Sneaky baby, I tell you. Never thought I'd conceive that soon. ;p The little one's five weeks now.
So far it's been the toilet bowl and me who've been sharing my recent mom experiences. Blech. Five to seven times a day, who can beat that?
Aaaaah. I hope this puking galore stops soon. Grow up fast, little one, or mom will have to look like the toilet bowl soon.
;p
A place where the heartache is worth it
Today is my last day of employment with OHSI.
Everyone got together for lunch. Two things: Rey's birthday, and my sendoff (it was sorta weird to read "Happy Birthday, Rey" and "Good luck, Mica" on the same cake, but what the heck, that's how it is there - it's all about sharing).
I was asked to speak. As I was doing so, I began to realize that - there was so much I wanted to thank the people and the organization for. The Web Team had special mention of course - without saying it, they had kept me going. (I almost broke down when my gaze met Liza's but I kept my poise for the sake of more than half the org - now composed of newbies and temps - who would have the last impression of me as strange and emotional.)
And then the president, Doji, spoke. Now that is one person who could say so much in just a short span of time. He traced my stay at OHSI, promptly detailing the significant events in my life as a team member. What was more amazing was that - he remembered what my goals were at that time that I entered the org, thereby ending his speech with the mention of the "legacy" I was leaving OHSI - the org's e-zine that I had EIC'd.
It took me until 930pm to finish arranging my files. I don't know if I was stalling (now I realize that I guess I was).
It pains me so much leaving OHSI. But I guess when something ends, something else begins.
Smelly people
I took Friday afternoon off to go to UP Diliman. I had to go apply for my LOA (again, arrrgggghhhh) and apply for my transcript. I brought along my good friend John.
Because I promised John that one day I'd take him to UP and tour him around, that afternoon was the best time for us to do it. Since he wasn't doing anything (at all), and I was kinda going to go around the campus because of the filing and paying and lining up, I figured it was best he went around campus that way - with a lot of walking, climbing stairs, waiting on steps, riding the ikot.
First stop was at Vidal Tan Hall, where the UP Open University office was located. John was thirsty, so I led him to the canteen, which - was not there anymore. I remembered there was a manang selling soft drinks at the back of the Faculty Center, so I led him there. Whaaat? he screeched (well not really, but he almost did). I'm going to drink there?
I would have loved to tease him and said yes, you're going to sit there along with the tambays. But I took pity on his pretty albeit sweaty face, so we just bought a bottle of Mountain Dew and walked back to the NISMED area, where he sat down the steps and decided to wait for me there while I run upstairs.
Next, we walked to the OUR. It was a looonnngg walk, since the OUR has been transferred to a far far faraway place. I had him sit down to rest while the Cashier screamed at me for being frikkin' late.
I then thought it was a good idea to take him to Crowded House. Off we went, towards the back of Vinzon's Hall. Ooops. Crowded House was - closed.
Instead, there were people there - lots of them. Some unloading from jeepneys and buses, some setting up a stage, others just sitting down. What is this? John asks. Sssssh, I motioned, as I led him away. What? he asks. And we had barely passed by every one of them when he commented, there's a certain smell here...
I tensed up. I took quicker steps and he followed. Don't say that! I warned him. We might end up bloody and barely alive!
What, what? he asked again. Sigh.
We just walked into a large group of rallyists preparing for the Bush arrival the next day. And my good friend had just called them smelly people. I could only shake my head.
We dropped by Balay Kalinaw, where the UP Press bookstore was located. John bought around P500 worth of books. I had nothing to do with it.
We planned to have dinner at Chocolate Kiss with Abi, Liza, and V - but before we did, we passed by the Shopping Center. John bought a pair of Mojos. Again, I had nothing to do with it.
Finally, dinner. We stuffed ourselves full. (By the way, thanks Liza for the dessert!!!)
Sigh. What a fine day that was.
At the end of the day, John and I were the smelly people from all the walking and sweating.
Moving on
Yesterday I gave my resignation letter to my boss.
I never heard the end of it from Leah and Miguel, as they tortured me the whole day, hoping I'd change my mind - or die from guilt.
It was not an easy decision.
Shifting to a (majorly) different path was one thing; leaving the company (most importantly, the people I became good friends with) was another.
Yes, it took me a painfully long time to finally find it in my heart to "abandon" (although not entirely) my craft, and turn to Marketing (my newfound competence, so to speak). It wasn't after much convincing by some of my friends that I could always write anytime that I stopped worrying about it.
And then there are the people I've grown to love. Three years of friendship and loyalty and support; triumphs and failures; laughter and tears (however personal or work-related) - this is something I can never exchange. And then I realized - this doesn't have to end. We can always continue to share these friendships even when we've all moved on.
On November 11, I'll be starting my new job. I'll be putting on a different face (Marketing and business attire - gasp!).
I just hope I like (and eventually, will love) what I'll be doing.
Wish me luck.
Happy and gay
Who said that men weren't nice? And kind, and gentle, and proper...and opened doors for you...and held your elbow when you crossed the street? And told you that you have more blush on your right cheek than your left...and watched a musical with you, and knew the words and what it was all about (and sang "I'm so pretty" with you)? And remembered that you didn't like vegetables and thought about putting them aside? And laughed with you hard even if your poise gets a little distorted because your mouth is wide open in genuine laughter and your arms are flailing up in the air for more drama?
Last Friday I went out with two male friends. Actually, one male friend and his date. Upon my enthusiasm (and insistence), I went out with them to watch a mini-Broadway production of Monique Wilson. Admittedly at first I thought I'd be the odd man out - I was wrong.
It didn't take a long time warming up to my friend's date. I think it started when we both asked the same question at once ("Are Kuh and Monique still together?"). Ah, yes. Showbiz is happy and gay, too. It didn't stop there.
No matter how shamelessly (o-kay, mildly then) they flirted with each other, I had a hell of a time with them. Just watching them like that, au naturel, made my night. They were two very true people.
Thank God for gay men.
"...Is there a sign painted on our faces that says 'sex, sex, sex'? If there's anything at all that's written on our faces, it's probably solitude." - Ronald Baytan (from Bongga Ka, Day!)
Should I stay or should I go?
I have a a final interview this Monday for a marketing job. Actually, we're already going to negotiate my salary.
I've been thinking it over this week. If it had been a job offered to me three months ago I would have grabbed the opportunity to get out.
I don't know why, but suddenly I have this nagging feeling that I should review my options again.
I found out it was because of this fear - fear that I'd be slowly veering away from my craft. The fact that it's a marketing job says it all. I still will write - boring press releases and newsletter stuff - but there's nothing like doing it full time, y'know?
Sigh. I hope I make the right decision.
Have you ever...?
...felt so sad that you don't know you are shutting out everything around you, including the person smiling right in front of you? So sad that you don't hear your phone ringing; so sad that you don't realize it's tears falling down your face and not rain?
...felt so low that no matter how much effort you put into something your output still spells disaster? So low that you've forgotten you can speak up and be heard?
...felt so numb you don't feel the hunger anymore? So numb that your five-hour headache is disguisingly comforting?
...
I'm the cornflower blue donkey
Ass is more like it (sorry, Eeyore).
I must have gotten up on the wrong side of the bed (well, I'm on the wrong side of the bed, actually. Neil sleeps on the side nearest the wall - I don't know how we got into these sleeping places). It must have been my week-long cranky mood. Or maybe it's the crawling red ants that keep on coming back no matter how much Baygon I spray. Maybe it's the stressful living condition that we have - we realized we don't have such a perfect home, with the water leakage, the [non-existence of an] elevator, the frikkin ants, the not-so-helpful maintenance guy.
And then one bad thing led to another and another and now my husband and I ain't talking to each other.
There. The raincloud hovering above me.
Rockin weekend
Guess what I was doing last Friday at 7PM?
I was with Neil and John, on the waiting shed in front of MSE Ayala, slightly wet because of the downpour. Waiting for the Quiapo bus.
We were going to Sanctum Intramuros to see Cynthia Alexander. John was complaining - "I'm not a die-hard fan!" - he wouldn't have been braving the rains for Cynthia.
So anyway, we boarded the bus. Good thing we were seated (or else I wouldn't hear the end of it from John). Neil fell asleep, John was absorbed in reading his Harry Potter 5 on his PDA, and I was left staring at my hand.
We got off at the Quiapo church, and took the jeep to the pier. I swear we looked like the three very lost wise men...we were dressed up and looking so dignified - riding the jeep and inhaling the polluted Manila air. All that for Cynthia.
Since we were on Patty's guest list, we got good seats in the house. Patty, tipsy and all, humiliated me by telling Cynthia I was the stalker. I was horrified. I mean, if I were the artist I'd stay away from stalkers, right. Grrr. Anyway, when the show ended, I was already humiliated that I didn't want to line up for the CD signing. I had John go up and do it.
John, the good friend that he is, pointed to me and said - "There's Mica! This was all her idea. There's your stalker!". God! I had to stand, go up, and meet her.
It wasn't as horrifying as I thought it would be. She wrote, on the CD jacket, "daghang salamat, Mica...wouldn't have explored so far". Awww. Ain't that great? ;p
Anyway...Saturday we spent the day with Neil's tita (and tito). It felt good talking to two old married couples - the insight you can get from them!
Sunday...well I was dreading French class. I felt I didn't do my homework right, and I had a gnawing feeling that my professeur would call on me - again and again and again - like he always does. It turned out that I was the only one who got it right! Nice surprise.
Now I wish the weekend was longer...
To Raine
Thanks for your message, sweetie! Don't worry about not making it to our wedding. I know you wanted so much to be there - just like most of the people who didn't make it, because of the events of the day (oh, if you haven't heard of it, I've provided a short account for you below).
As for married life - well, all I can say is, there's so much we still have to learn. What we had six years ago isn't what it is now that we're married. It is just so different from those dating stages! I'm especially struggling trying to be a good partner (hmm, note the choice of word here - wife is just too sexist for me! haha) - I mean, I've been so independent my whole life and I've valued (and practiced) my individuality. Oh, you won't imagine how now I've been wreaking disaster after disaster - from forgetting the bills, to cooking with the wrong ingredients, to not putting fabric conditioner on the laundry, to everything domestic! Sometimes I doubt if I will ever, at least, get the hang of it.
On the other hand, there's someone I come home to. You know what's weird? I feel this is a new love, you know? Like we're re-learning how to love. Everything feels like first time. It's thrilling and at the same time, challenging. You know how you first find someone and fall in love? Everything that comes with that - it's happening all over again.
Hmm. You're the only person who hasn't asked about an offspring in the making! Hehehe. No, we're not having one yet. Maybe in the next year or two. (Thank God my mom has Tabitha! Tabitha's our dog. She adores my mom - and vice versa! If it weren't for Tab, I'm sure mom's forcing me to have a kid NOW NA. Hehe.)
Come over some time. I'll play your good hostess and Neil will play the typical husband, just sitting in front of the TV while conversing with you. Hahaha.
We're arranging and collating our wedding pics. Will send you some soon. =)
Oh - what happened during the wedding? A gas tanker was lying in the middle of South Superhighway that fateful day. Authorities were afraid it might explode, so they had traffic rerouting. Our guests took different routes - inside the busting Laguna towns, service roads, dirt roads, and most of them going back to Manila and going through Cavite and Tagaytay to get to Laguna, just like the LFers did. The church was barely filled; half of the entourage were stuck in traffic. My father did not arrive. We borrowed a flower girl. I was crying like crazy in the bridal car, I didn't care anymore if my makeup ran, and my veil kept falling. There was no music. My photographer arrived after the ceremonies, as well as most of my family. Guests arrived in batches during the reception. The choir arrived at 8pm. Ginny, my good friend and maid-of-honor, was an angel - she did a great job handling the church and reception activities. One veil sponsor and another maid-of-honor (thank God I had two!) arrived at 1245 in the morning.
Such an eventful day! I wonder what's in store for us in the next years...;p
Now I know where to go searching when I'm lost...
