Across the Universe

We used to sing this, him and I. We'd alternate on the guitar. He'd go second voice on me, and I'd get lost. Jai guru deva om. Nothing's gonna change my world.

It was a comfort song. For me, it meant we could stay on and on like this forever. It was a moment, but for me it meant a lifetime. Nothing's gonna change my world. It was a moment, and I clung to it like anything. It was a moment, that at the back of my mind I knew would last soon because I only had my father for a few minutes or hours, but I stubbornly believed it was forever.

That is my fondest memory of my father. It was my fondest memory even when he was alive, because I could only have him for a few moments. It is my fondest memory of him now that he's passed away.

Yesterday, he died. The strange thing was, I dreamed about him yesterday morning. In my dream, he had his top off, and he was drunk. (I've never seen him drunk before!) He went to my (current) home, and demanded for the refrigerator. Refrigerator?! How stupid was that? In my dream, I told him off for coming drunk, and told him to leave. He left.

I woke up thinking about the dream. I was up for about an hour before I fell back into sleep again. Then last night, my half-brother called me up, saying that Papa had died of a heart attack--that morning.

I said to my half-brother that I'd just send up prayers, because I was sure I wasn't expected to be there (with them). He said okay, that he just wanted to let me know, and that he'll keep in touch.

I felt strange after hearing about Papa's death. I broke down in tears--but I wasn't sure if they were of grief. I couldn't feel that his life was such a loss. I couldn't feel that I missed him. I couldn't feel that I was losing a parent. I didn't know why I was crying. But the thoughts that ran through my mind, while I cried, were good memories of me and him. My chest didn't feel heavy as I wept. There wasn't any bitterness. What could I have been crying about?

I could have been weeping for the moments we spent--my forevers. And as short as those moments--or those forevers--were the moments I wept.

Remember me when I am gone away,

Gone far away into the silent land;

When you can no more hold me by the hand,

Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.

Remember me when no more day by day

You tell me of our future that you planned:

Only remember me; you understand

It will be late to counsel then or pray.

Yet if you should forget me for a while

And afterwards remember, do not grieve:

For if the darkness and corruption leave

A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,

Better by far you should forget and smile

Than that you should remember and be sad.

-Christina Rossetti

So, Papa, this is really goodbye. But now I know this is a goodbye where I won't have to wait or wonder. And I'm okay with it.

And though I did not get to say this to you, thank you for giving me those moments.

Dazed during the holidays

As usual, we had the tour of South Luzon for the holidays. We started December 23 and headed to Neil's mother's family. Then we went to my tita's at Laguna, where we spent the night, and the next day (24th). I thought I could rest for one day; apparently not. Neil and I spent half the day building Lia's marble mania toy (conclusion: they were lying when they indicated that the toy was for kids--it was so hard to build!). After lunch, we had to go to the store to get batteries and screw driver for the toy; and had gift tags exchanged (because the driver bought the wrong gift tags, sigh). Before we knew it, it was almost sunset! I had to cook dinner. Then prepare for mass. Then we went to mass. Then it was Noche Buena and gift-giving.

The next day, we went to my other tita's house in Alabang for lunch. That side of the family was complete, because my mom's sister and brother went home from Europe. I felt dazed because of so many people (and kids)! After that, we headed to Neil's relatives in Las Pinas for Christmas dinner. It was there that I felt real fatigue from all the partying and mingling. At 8PM I felt ready to retire, but I just couldn't force Neil to go home because he rarely saw his relatives.

I couldn't get up the next day (26th)! So I spent half the day at home, and went back to work in the afternoon. ;) I could tell that Lia got tired from all the celebrations, too, because when I asked her to come with me to the office, she refused.

New Year's was less stressful. We spent it in Laguna again. I visited Marc and her baby; had dinner, mass, then blew horns and lit our sole firecrackers for New Year.

I wonder how our holidays will be like in 2008 when there are two kids around! :)

Red!

Finally! I got my red iPod nano last Saturday. :) I waited for this for a long time. Well, I could have bought this right after I sold my iPod video, but I could not decide then whether I'll be getting the iPod touch, or the Creative Zen player Neil has been bugging me to get.

Last week I decided to go ahead with the red nano. After all, this is what I wanted: a small mp3 player, with just the right capacity for my songs and videos (I really didn't need an mp3 player with lots of memory anymore; what with 2 kids abound). Plus, it's red, red, red! :)

So there. Am nano-happy! :)

Marc's baby girl

I woke up at 5AM this morning to go to the hospital. Nope, am not giving birth yet--my friend and former coworker Marc did. I took pictures of her baby Chloe, inside the delivery room! It wasn't bloody at all (I thought giving birth was all bloody).

We planned to use two cameras: Marc's and mine. But Marc left hers in her room, so I had to make do with mine (which was really slow :( :( :( ). So I had to take rests in between takes. I hope Marc is okay with my shots; I have yet to show her the pics (and stolen videos--I didn't know videos weren't allowed).

Congrats to your cute baby girl, Marc! :)

On canvass mode

Okay. Here I go again, getting impulsive, going out to look for stuff. But! Am not buying yet. ;p Am just on canvass mode.

I already went to Divisoria (and bought some Christmas tree trimmings and Christmas wrappers) to check out the stuff I can buy for Christmas. Have put up our Christmas tree at home, with new blinking lights I bought in the department store (yup, am too cautious of those Christmas lights--I don't buy them at Divisoria).

About two weekends ago, I also went to Paco again to canvass for bunk beds for the girls (yes, baby # 2 is a girl! See my other blog for this.), a TV rack to replace our flood-destroyed one, and a slimmer computer table. Furniture is really cheap along that strip! But I still went to SM Department Store to check out their own collections. Just so I can compare prices.

Now...I still haven't bought furniture. ;p Am waiting for my Christmas bonus for that! :)

What's new?

Sorry, but I really get lazy during first trimesters of pregnancy. ;) I haven't blogged for a while now!!! AND I haven't gone back to creating the pages for my Web site. Aarrgh. But worst of all, I haven't gone to the mall (and lost all interest) as much as I used to, for the past three months! This is bad.

I feel much better now, as I'm in my second trimester already. I slowly gained interest in shopping again, much to Lia's delight. I can cook occasionally, and I can do some freelance work again. And, surprisingly, I could handle my workload, however heavy, at the office.

Hmm. So what else is new? Oh, am selling my iPod video! It's 30gb, white, and still under warranty. Selling it for PhP 8K. Tell me if you're interested!

Oh, and...Christmas is almost here, so...I hope I can go to Divisoria soon! And I hope to chance upon new bargain finds, hehehe.

Anyway...I hope I get to post here more often, from now on. :) So...see you!

My best friend's wedding

One of my best friends, Ruth, got married last month. It was a very emotional moment for me (well, mostly because of my pregnancy hormones) because it was really literally a life-changing moment--we always thought that Ruth would be the last to get married (or even think about getting married!).

She told me she was getting married about a month before her wedding date, to Jose, a guy I (or the rest of us) have never met but nevertheless heard about. Although she has been hinting of wedding plans before, I never thought it would be this quick. So, I admit, I was taken off-guard (yes, no matter how open-minded a person I am!). I ranted to my other best friend Tiffany, who had the same emotions as mine. I know, it's unfair for us to feel that way for Ruth, because we should be wishing her the best. But if you knew our best friend, you'd know that it's just not her.

But don't get me wrong. It's not at all disappointment, because Ruth has changed--for the best. She has converted to Christianity, and along with her conversion, she has transformed into a totally different person--a more open one, a more emotional one, a mature person--and has let go of skeletons in her closet. Our emotions were more of--we were just missing the old Ruth, who was wacky, cynical, sarcastic, frigid--the girl we grew up with, the girl whose personality perfectly balanced with ours, especially during those critical times--our teenage years.

Sigh. We just miss the old Ruth, that's all. We are simply just being selfish. But deep inside, we wish her the best, of course.

To Ruth (though I know you don't really have the time to read my blog)--we still love you, whoever you are. ;) Best wishes!

We're pregnant!

Okay. So this is what's keeping me from completing my Web site. I've been so lazy! Why? I blame it to my pregnancy! :)

Yes, we're pregnant with our second child. We found out just last week. I decided to test when

1. I sent out the maid, late at night, to buy me half a gallon of Double Dutch ice cream.



2. I rejected the food laid out at the table, and had a new menu set.



3. I was always dizzy.



4. I hated strong smells.



5. And, the obvious reason: my period was delayed.

So there. Our baby's 6 weeks old this week. :) I'm expected to give birth via caesarian-section, in March.


:)

New Web site coming soon!

Finally. I have begun planning for the creation of my Web site. Yesterday, I visited godaddy.com to check out their rates on domain name registration and hosting services. After seeing that they do have practical rates (as they are reputed to have), I signed up for my domain name: www.micadelrosario.com. That's about $9 per year, which is not bad.

Of course, I still haven't availed of their hosting services, as I am not yet ready with my Web pages. ;p I plan to create pages through Dreamweaver (yan lang kaya ng powers ko for now; I don't know how to code on my own). Unfortunately, the program I got could not be installed in the Mac! :( I brought the Mac with me in the office to have my coworker help me with it, but still, it won't work. So am still figuring out what to do. But I'm vowing to at least start the pages before the week ends.

I'll alert everyone once my site is up! :)

Now accepting...

Am back to accepting freelance jobs!

No, I haven't resigned from my permanent job (nor have plans of resigning any time soon). I just have more time on my hands now. My baby is now a little girl (according to her three-year-old logic) and understands already when I need to work. :) Yes, she determines whether I get to work or not. And at her age, she now knows when I need to work or not.

So friends, family, co-workers (former or present, hahaha), former classmates, batch mates, acquaintances--I'm offering my writing/editing services again. Freelance, of course. :)

Thanks! :)

Busy momma

Just when I've vowed to update my blog regularly (i.e., at least once a week), I get busy with preps for Lia's third birthday party.

Yup! Been a busy momma for the past month. See my mommy blog: Mommy Matters.

A Golden deal

Here's the deal: I write for Gold's Gym, they give me membership.

Thanks to Toni for informing me of this "contest"! :) Now I can stay fit again (I hope, hahaha). I'm so looking forward to starting my physical activities (oops, now everyone knows I don't have any, except you-know-what hehehe).

Red

I know I said I wouldn't be spending because Neil and I had something big to spend on next year. But I just couldn't stand my Motorola V3X anymore! :( It really really had to go.

I endured eight months of interface issues with my Moto. I actually wanted to replace it already during its fifth month but I had other things to spend on. Last Sunday, I couldn't take it anymore. I searched the Net and found this Sony Ericsson mobile that fit my requirements: 3G, user-friendly, small and light, red (gigil! I've always wanted red), and, just a little amount of cash involved.

I ran to Makati Cinema Square to sell my Moto. I was a proud seller; the phone had no scratches (yep, not a single one!), my accessories were complete (with the box, too). Bidders started at P4,000, then climbed to P5,000, P5,500, P6,000. Someone offered P7,000. I said I still had to go around and canvass. But only two stores would give me P7,000 for my phone. That was it. That was the highest amount they could give me. So I went back to the first P7,000 bidder and sold him my phone.

Then I went to Glorietta to buy myself a brand new one. Yes! A red Sony Ericsson K610i was available. Some sold for P12,000, P11,500, P10,500...but I found one who sold it for P9,800. I took out my P7,000 from my Moto sale and added just P2,800 more. Not bad! I was happy with my new purchase.

So there. I'm with Red (hahaha I named it) now. :)

Winner

I finally wore the dress to my sister-in-law's wedding. It won more votes! ;) I just had the pink sash/belt removed to make it simpler.

Here's the thing though. As I had half-expected, no one really wore formal formal. They were in semi-formal formal. But, since I stood by my decision (and votes), I just wore the dress. Kineri ko na lang sya!

Thanks for everyone who voted (especially Cam-cam, who had to go online via YM to give her vote--according to her it was that big a deal, hahaha)!

To wear or not to wear?

dress_formal
Originally uploaded by micaela.

The halter top, the full skirt, the rich color. The right price. And most importantly, the right fit.

I liked it the moment I saw it. When I tried it on, I was surprised at how it fit me so well. It was magical--my bulging tyan at puson were lost in the fabric. As in they were gone. As if I never gave birth at all.

So, I bought the dress. I was happy with my purchase. It was perfect, and it was cheap.

I went home, happy that I finally had a dress to wear to my sister-in-law's wedding on the 28th. The invitation said "formal", plus I had called my SIL before purchasing the dress, confirming if the affair was indeed formal, and would she mind if I wore a dress with a full skirt. She said it was okay since I was family. (I'm not part of the entourage, by the way. And the motif is moss green so my dress obviously does not belong in the entourage.)

But, when Neil saw my dress, he said it was too formal. That's the first time Neil ever gave a comment on my outfits. And because it was, it bothered me.

So, I sent out a survey to my friends. To wear or not to wear? Seven of them said I should go ahead and wear it, and seven said I should not (some of them said I should have it altered). So, that's 7-7.

I'm going nuts over this dress. I still don't know what to do with it. But just 30 minutes ago, I had the pink sash/belt removed, to make the dress simpler. Maybe when the pink sash is gone, I can decide.

What do you think, dear reader?

Purita Kalaw evermae

I've probably used her name a thousand times already (most common in my Yahoo Messenger status), oftentimes when I've just purchased something big: which either made my wallet leaner, or erased my bank accounts. ;p

This time, however, it's evermae. Neil and I are saving up for something big. Saving every penny, scrimping on every item. I swear, if I could walk to and from the office, I will (I even brought up the thought of purchasing a bike for transpo!).

Sorry but I can't say yet why we're saving. :) You will know, soon.

But for now, I hope you guys--loyal friends, colleagues, family--understand if I can't go out to dinner or coffee. If we have to, have dinner at my home, I'll be happy to host! For now, it's just Lia we're allowed to spend on. :)

There's good news, but...

After a month of agony waiting for my mother's tests results and waiting for the second doctor's opinion, we were finally given an answer. The cells found in Mama's right breast are not malignant, after all. The second doctor had breast ultrasound, mammography, and scintimammography performed on my mother. And, as it turned out, they were benign.

My mother was to continue taking her P500/day (for four years) pill for cancer. That was better news for us, than the first option we were given (a surgery, again, and possibly chemotherapy).

However, during the series of tests performed, my mother underwent blood tests. We found out she had diabetes.

So: it's cancer and diabetes. I don't know how that sounds. BUT I'm still thankful the news we got was still better. The P500/day deal was better than months of chemotherapy sessions and hospitalizations.

Thank you for everyone who helped us pray.

Wake up, look down, hear my pray'r

O gods, o gods, are you there?

Thanks to the musical Once On This Island for these appropriate lyrics.

Exactly one week ago, I went with my mother to her oncologist. Based on her interpretation, my mother's cancer has spread and she will most likely undergo another surgery. And she will definitely undergo chemotherapy. And the doctor said it's most probably in stage 4 now.

Mother was shocked. I was, too, but of course, I couldn't show her. I went back to the office weak in the knees, and I immediately called Neil and cried to him. But my mother? When I went home later that day, she was lying down. Masama ang pakiramdam ko, she said. Alarmed, I texted her sisters and my cousin. The news affected her badly.

We're going to have another doctor look at her test results. A second opinion wouldn't hurt, wouldn't it? I'm praying it's good (or at least, better) news next week.

Birthday celeb

forest-house
Originally uploaded by micaela.

Here's the whole gang at Forest House in Baguio, where I "celebrated" my birthday.

Thanks to my husband Neil for giving in (hehehe) to my wishes!

28th

When Neil asked me what I wanted for my birthday this year, there was only one answer: a trip to Baguio. He asked me again, and I said Baguio. He asked me if I wanted shopping spree, I said Baguio. The release of the iPhone was announced last week, and he asked me if I wanted that, and I said Baguio.

The wanderlust in me is stirring again.

And so it was decided, Baguio it was. :) We planned to leave Manila January 14 and return January 17. Ginny kindly offered her family's time-sharing privileges in The Manor at Camp John Hay. John and Ryan also decided to go.

Since we were to leave January 14, I spent my birthday here in the city. Lia and I went to the grocery in the morning, to shop for stuff we'd need for our Baguio trip. Then we slept the whole afternoon (duh, what a way to spend my birthday hahaha). In the evening, Neil and I went to Greenbelt to hear mass, then have dinner.

Before I fell asleep that night, I realized I was getting older: no more birthday surprises, no more hard-core partying. Just a simple, uneventful day--which, surprisingly, was a happy one.

Holiday rush (A Late Post)

Sigh. This is so looong due. I really didn't have the time to blog during the holidays! Christmas rush got me--again.

Shopping

I thought I figured it all out. I started shopping in November. Since I started relatively early, I told myself I can do my shopping in batches. I mentally scheduled my shopping days, and it looked like I was going to end earlier than usual.

But no! Of course not. Took me a long while again to find the perfect gifts. Took us a while to decide on Lia's gift (should we give in to her whims and buy her that train set, or buy another toy that's much more feminine?). Took me forever to shop for my mom's gifts ( i.e., her gifts for other people). Took me until the mall's closing time to look around.

Get-togethers

We started on the 24th, with a trip to Neil's relatives in Cavite. We left in the afternoon to go to Laguna (my tita's place). Dropped by Neil's friend's house there and socialized a bit. Attended mass. Noche Buena (where Lia slept through).

The next day, we went to my relatives in Alabang, where we always spend Christmas lunch. I couldn't believe there were 8 kids already from the second generation!

After Christmas lunch, we proceeded to Cavite again, to Neil's father's relatives. We stayed until late at night, before finally going home.

Sick baby

Lia started to have fever just before the New Year. And then she started coughing. And then right after New Year, she showed signs of dehydration--and we almost took her to the ER.

The New Year

Before I knew it, 2006 passed. I went back to work on the 2nd day of the year.

Ooooh well. I hope this year's much much better than last year!

A happy new year to everyone. :)

New bargain finds!

Hmmm, I'm really such a bargain-hunter these days! Here are my new bargain finds, to add to my previous entry (of the same topic):

Avenida/Sta. Cruz for medical supplies. I've heard of this street before, but I never appreciated it until I went there with my mother, last week. I was looking for a nebulizer for Lia, a good brand but one that's cheaper than ones they sell at Mercury Drug. What do you know, I found a Devilbiss brand that was worth only P3, 400, which had a three-year warranty. This brand is used in hospitals, as they're heavy-duty. These sell for about P5,000 in drugstores (according to my tita whose sons had asthma).

Pedro Gil St., Paco, for furniture. Our sofa set has been utterly shabby and pathetic for a long time now. We bought the set right after our wedding, and the two-seater sofa (it was small because it fit our small condo unit at that time) cost us P5,000 (that was almost four years ago). After two years, the sofa started to give in, until it reached the sorry state it was in last week. So, I had to go undertime at work (hahaha, was that really necessary?) and went to Paco, Manila, for that famed street lined with furniture shops. The prices were outrageous, I tell you. They were like 50-70% less than mall prices! You have to ask the salesman/saleslady to take you to their bodega though, for more choices. I bought a leather three-seater sofa, with two single couches, for only P4, 200. That includes free delivery (with me riding beside the truck driver--in a tube top, mind you. I think that was the first time Neil was extremely happy with my purchase--it was cheap, it was a nice set, and it looked like I really scoured the street (which I really did, and which he always doubts I do). I also got a wooden rocking horse for Lia, which was also cheap--P350.

Next project: rugs and home accents. I'm still looking for a "depot" for this. If you know where I can get them for less, please please share! :)

Waldas

Got my 13th month pay exactly one week ago. The next day, Neil and I went to Greenhills. The day after that, I was in Divisoria with John. Two days ago, I bought a new sofa set. Oh, and not to mention a new nebulizer for Lia, and spending thousands on my beads for my new "sideline". I also indulged our maid with a large amount of market money (hence, kare-kare for lunch and tiger prawns for dinner).

Gotta stop!

Bugger

I got the bug. It started when we fetched my mother at the airport last October 8. Lia had fever-cough-cold, and sure enough, I was next. Add to that, one of my molars started to ache because of another (impacted) molar pushing it.

So through coughing fits, I had my molar extracted. After the tooth extraction came the pain (of course), so most of the time I had an ice pack on my cheek.

It was a sick October for me!

I hope I won't get any more of it until Christmas. (It's shopping season, I can't get sick! Hehehe.)

Waiting for dengue???

Oops, don't jump to conclusions yet. It's not me waiting for dengue, or my Lia, or any of my family members or friends.

Waiting for dengue - that's what the barangay officials told us when we requested for fumigation in our area.

Background: last week, my co-worker's two kids tested positive for dengue. And me, the ever-paranoid parent, wanted to have our area fumigated.

So: we asked the barangay officials. They answered: we can't fumigate until there's a report of a dengue case. We'll wait until someone contracts dengue.

What kind of an answer is that, huh?

!%$%^&($@$!@#$!!!!!!!!

New bargain finds!

Four years ago I discovered Divisoria--not Tutuban but the real Divisoria with the pasilios and the busy streets and sidewalks and the large pedicabs and the constant whiff of wet market+mud+rainwater+a little bit of garbage.

I shopped there for my wedding stuff--the textile, beads, candles, ribbons, accessories. I also shop there every last week of November/early December for Christmas gifts and wrappings. On some months of the year I go there to shop for cheaper stuff (i.e., stuff I could have bought at the department store but did not because of the fact that I can buy it cheaper in Divi). On some weekends I go to the Divisoria market to buy our seafood and vegetables (and ox tail and ox tripe for kare-kare, with ground peanuts so I don't have to use Mama Sita's!). For Lia's birthday stuff, I also went to Divisoria. At times, I drop by nearby Ongpin St. in Binondo to buy hopia. I also take some occasional stroll down the jewelers strip (I actually bought two pairs of earrings for Lia there).

Last week, though, I went with my mother to Quiapo. We bought Excellente ham, of course, and hopia. But what made my day was this shop in Villalobos St.--Wellmanson. They had a store in Divisoria but this one in Quiapo is just--heaven for beadmakers! They had walls and walls of stringed beads and stones and strings and accessories (and they were all so organized, my O-C self couldn't help but appreciate). I bought some P800 worth, and when I got home, I was able to string up about 11 necklaces of different designs (which Mama will bring to the US as gifts to her amigas). I just couldn't get enough of them, so I returned to Quiapo yesterday (in the guise of buying seafood and meat and vegetables in the market). I bought P1300 worth (and I feel so guilty having bought that much) and I still haven't finished with stringing everything.

I'm so the bargain-hunter these days! Is this what happens when you're a wife and a mom?

:)

Where do I go from here?

Okay. I admit: when I chose my course in college I did not exactly think about what I would end up to be. I did not even think about how much I will be earning. It was just--it was what I wanted.

When I got out of college I found a job where I got to apply what I learned: I wrote, I edited. I was happy that I did find such a job. But then of course I wanted to learn more, grow more with my career, so I tried out writing for the Web. I spent three years doing this, and so far, it was the best three learning years of my life.

After writing/editing for the Web, I tried a little of marketing communications. Which I did not learn much, and I did not enjoy much (well, maybe because the company closed down and I was not given enough opportunity).

And then I was hired as a Web editor. I was thrilled! However, my first two months were spent--just researching, researching, and writing down my ideas for the Web site I was going to manage. And then when relaunch time came, there was much work for the programmers; they weren't able to completely achieve the requirements for a long, long time. So, the Web was on hold for a while.

While I wasn't doing any Web work, I "moonlighted" with the Content Team...helping write content and reviewing theirs. I eventually got more involved with this team than the Web site. However, I was still bent on working on the Web and I expressed this to my boss, which was just fine with her.

And then...just recently, we had a sort of a re-org. I found out that I was being pulled out from Web, and that they were making me Content Supervisor. I also found out that I did not have any much choice because (a) the new Web editor position has new requirements which I cannot fulfill (background in local/international music scene), and (b) I was already doing supervisory work anyway. That means, I'm pretty stuck. It's fine in a way because there are opportunities where I can move up, but...honestly, I'm still happier with Web work. And I had sort of planned to work on Web for at least the next 5 years of my life (if I were not to fulfill my other dream--that's another story).

So...where do I go from here?

We'll see.

Schadenfraude

That's the feeling of pleasure at the misfortune of others.

(It's one of John's favorite words. But just for today, I will borrow it.)

I'd love to blog about it, but I'm afraid I'd have to savor it myself (or risk being branded "demonyita"). Let me, please? Just for one day. One day, to drink in the sweet taste of karma.

Forgive the smile pasted on my face.

Today is the day I will never forget!

=)

Irritant of the week

Last Monday, this person sent me an SMS of lines from an erotic poem I wrote back in college. I asked who he was, but he did not identify himself. Instead, he answered that he was someone I knew from my "UP days". When I asked that he identify himself, he said I've already forgotten about him just because I was married.

I did not answer after his second message. Instead, I asked Armel to text this particular person we worked with in the past. I had a strong feeling that this person was my "mystery texter" because (1) he was the only person who always kidded me about "getting married and forgetting" about him, (2) he may really have a copy of that poem because I remember having shared my written works with some coworkers in the past, and the third reason...you'll find out later.

So Armel texted him. His answer was something like, "you're texting because of the poem I have of Micaela". And when Armel did not answer back, he texted again that we (Armel and I) called each other "mudra/muds".

While he texted Armel, he also sent me some text messages. In these messages, he claimed he was my ex (when I did not have any exes because Neil was the only boy I went out with, loved, and married). I was getting irritated already, but there was one message that got me totally upset and disgusted (I won't put it here anymore).

I told Armel: this guy is not my friend. If he keeps buggin me via SMS and tells me this, he is not my friend. He does not have any respect for me. He is not my friend.

So, if YOU somehow know of this blog and you are reading this, you now know how I feel.

Subic trip

everyone_subic
Originally uploaded by micaela.

Two weekends ago we headed to Subic for an early birthday celeb for Lia. Why Subic? Lia still hasn't stepped on (beach) sand, there are many other activities we can do in Subic besides going to the beach, and we can bring along family and friends. (Oh and did I mention? We were planning for a trip to Singapore but Neil had to buy his Dopod...so there goes Singapore.)

We stayed in a nice, small hotel (thanks to Ginny's reco), went to Ocean Adventure to watch the dolphins, missed the Zoobic safari because we had a very long lunch at Cafe Xpresso, and shopped. We almost decided on extending our stay for one more day but Ryan had to work the next day.

Nevertheless, even if we missed the safari, Lia still enjoyed the weekend trip. :)

Side effects

After reading some facts about cancer, I was enlightened. I found out that my mom can fight it. So many people have conquered it, why not Mama?

Mama has been taking the pills for a week now. And now I can see what it does to her.She's cranky and moody. Every day she finds reason to get mad about something. She does not like visitors, does not like mingling. The staff at her school wanted to visit her, but she won't let them.

I told her sisters about it. One said she'd take her in her house for a while for a change of scenery. Another said I should bring her to the church every day.

I'm praying she'll find strength in fighting this disease. That's all I ask. Five years is long, and it takes a lot to swallow a pill every day even if it's not making you feel any good.

Stage 2

After Mama's mastectomy, we found out her cancer was on stage 2. Histopath results found that she had 30% risk of recurrence.

She was given two options for treatment: (a) chemotherapy for six months, then on the seventh month, hormonal inhibition until the fifth year; or (b) hormonal inhibition for five years. The treatment can only lower the risk to, at most, 20%. It will never go down to zero, according to the Oncologist, until Mama has reached her 10th year without the cancer coming back.

Chemotherapy has 2% advantage over hormonal inhibition. Meaning, if she undergoes chemo, her risk will lower to 20%. If she undergoes hormonal inhibition, the risk will be down to 22%. Considering the pain, side effects, and expenses, we decided to take hormonal inhibition. That means, a pill of Arimidex a day, for five years. One pill costs P437.20, which adds up to about P13K a month. Kinda expensive, but I guess we have to be thankful that we're not spending on hospital bills, or something that's more than that.

Hiatus in the dark

Aaarrggghh. Over three months of not blogging. No wonder I've been experiencing a certain imbalance in my life.

A lot of things happened within those three months, but there was one thing, one big thing that shook our world. In February, Mama complained of a lump in her breast. In March, she was advised to undergo mastectomy of her left breast.

Those weeks were one of the darkest in my life. It was cancer for Mother. The night we found out, I took shelter in our bedroom, cried out to God. He was the only one I could talk to. Although I had Neil to comfort me, Lia to make me laugh, and my mother's sisters to ask for advice from, I felt all alone.

27th

Yeah, getting older...:) That's why my birthdays are getting simpler. Less of the celebrating. Why is that so? Shouldn't we have more parties and more fun each year that we grow older? Someone should change the rules.

I spent my birthday with my family. Went to Enchanted Kingdom, upon Neil's insistence. Classic family day! Hahaha. It rained a little, but it was all right, we still stayed in the park. It was Lia's first time there, too. Neil and I, wise parents that we are, took Lia with us to ride the hot air balloon. We didn't realize that the speed was - fast. During the middle of the ride, Lia had her head bent already from dizziness. My mother was gesturing wildly from the sidelines, desperately telling us to let Lia down already. Poor baby! She was dizzy when we got out, but she was a sport. She still smiled and babbled after the ride.

Had lunch at Tita Gaya's, who lived just ten minutes away from the park. We ordered lechon kawali, plus we brought kare-kare and rellenong bangus (cooked by Manang Naty, our ex-maid who stayed with the family for 10 or so years, and who still is in touch with us).

We were on our way home at around seven in the evening. Was supposed to meet up with John and other friends, but John - well, he slept through the day and through the night. So we just had pizza at home.

It was a tiring day, but it was a brand new experience for me, spending my birthday exclusively with my family. I was happy; the simple kind of happy. :)

The three little...friends!

DSC00004
Originally uploaded by micaela.

And here we are - Maiete, John, and me. That's in Mario's, where Maiete and Geoff held their reception.

Right after the wedding...

DSC00065
Originally uploaded by micaela.

We pose outside the chapel. =)

Highway Queen

DSC00032
Originally uploaded by micaela.

Of course we were late. Again. =p Maiete's wedding was at 10AM, and I was still in curlers, blowdrying my hair and applying makeup on my face.

So! Here we are...while running from the hotel to the church...and we still manage to take a snap! Hahaha.

Haggard, hectic, holidays

The 2005 holidays are my most hectic, hurried, haggard! I was out almost every day of the week last December for Christmas parties, Christmas dinners, and frenzied Christmas shopping. Come to think of it, maybe it was bad planning. I knew it; I should have done my Christmas shopping last June and finished by September.

Also, Maiete got married on the 23rd in Baguio, and John and me braved the Baguio weather (hahaha -- pretending to blame the weather -- we had pure fun!) to attend her wedding. (Pics will be posted after this.) When we got back to Manila it was the 24th already!

The 24th went by in a blur. I still had eight gifts to shop, so I rushed to the mall in the morning. I wrapped everything went I got home. After dinner, we left for Sta. Rosa, Laguna, where we spent our Christmas eve.

The next day I was in my most haggard state. We passed by Neil's relatives' province (Cavite). We stayed there for about 30 minutes, because we were to have lunch at my relatives in Alabang. Dinnertime was spent with Neil's relatives in Las Piñas.

Thank God the 26th was a holiday. I was able to rest, even for a bit!

Got music? I have!

Yesssss, I finally got my iPod Nano today!!! Neil surprised me with this early Christmas gift, hehehe.

Just got a little messed up installing the darned software. Had to reset the Nano, reinstall the software, reset the PC. Thanks to Armel's help...he walked me through the installation process for the second time. How stupid can I get? Oh well...I must have missed a click or two and I must have slightly disobeyed warnings about connecting the iPod...;p But anyway, was able to fix it. So now am madly importing songs and folders and CDA files!

Have to get those screen protectors and case for the Nano soon. And maybe Lanyard earphones, hmmmm. And then pray that someone wraps up those teeny Bose speakers for me for Christmas. ;p

Yay! There won't be much sleep for me tonight. Hehehe.

She's leaving home...

Sigh. Tomorrow, my best friend Tiffany's leaving. She's joining the ship for the South America/Carribean cruise. She'll be gone for another ten months.

I SMS'd best friend Ruth earlier and mused about the two of us being left again. And then she's (Ruth) next to leave (because she's pursuing her OT career in the US), and then it's just me.

Darn. Why do people have to come, and then go? My oldest best friend (meaning, we've been BFs since second grade) has already left for the US four years ago. Sure, there are phone calls and occasional emails (hey, not my fault, Hazel's too lazy even to read email, let alone reply), but it's not the same. Heck, she missed my wedding. And even Lia's birth. I have to understand why she can't come home, and I'm just comforted by the thought that she's there in spirit.

Ooooh well. I guess sometimes life has to work that way. And I have to be thankful that life worked for us four to still be part of each other's lives.

XXXOOO (Hugs and Kisses)

When she saw my tear-streaked face, she reached out, almost instantly -

And she struggled to stand, balancing her body on the unstable bed mattress -

Reached out, leaned very close -

Kissed my tears and embraced my neck.

And when I didn't stop

She did it again, and again

Her hugs becoming tighter than the previous one

As she tried her very best to comfort Mommy.

At last, succeeding

Mother and daughter embrace each other

And sleep in each other's arms.

Unbecoming

I figured it out. I've just been so out of it the past weeks. Everything felt like 'blah'. Sure, I had Lia to cheer me up when I got home from work, but when I go to sleep, there's something different, even strange, that I feel.

I lost it. I lost my sense of kakikayan! OMG. Whatever happened to "beauty above all"? It's lost, lost, lost, I tell you!

I realized it when I found myself thinking about that item I've been eyeing at the mall. A four-burner plus two-rack Elba oven. Not that Body Shop liquid foundation, nor the L'oreal juicy tubes I've always-wanted-to-buy-but-now-it's-pushed-to-the-back-of-my-mind. No.

And when I did realize that indeed, my habits, priorities, and wants have changed, I panicked. I looked at myself in the mirror - in horror. Dark rings under my eyes. More pronounced pores (God, I need that facial ASAP). Long unkempt hair. And my fat bulging tummy that's mostly-post-pregnancy-but-never-did-anything-about-it-so-now-it's-bulging-more-than-ever.

So unbecoming!

I hate myself.

But I thought, I have to do something. It's just not me. It's like I lost a part of myself. Of my soul.

Therefore: I asked help from Mudra - Armel. I asked for a makeover.

God help me!

My best friend's engagement

Tomorrow, Ruth and I are going to see Tiff and her fiance Tadgh. We already saw Tiff last Sunday, a few hours after she landed. Tadgh arrived Monday night, and we have yet to see him (well, I've already met him last year, but Ruth has not.)

Tiff and Tadgh are engaged now...and in a few days the couple shall announce the big news to the family. Tiff is also working on getting an Irish visa so she can go meet Tadgh's family.

But tomorrow, we are suprising them...oh yes we are! Hahaha! (When Tiff finds out it was my idea, I'm sure she'd kill me.)

I ordered balloons from balloonist Petite (she made the balloons for Lia's party). I don't know yet what the bunch looks like, but I specified champagne glass, dark blue or dark red balloons (Tiff's favorite colors), and an arrangement that spells engagement. ;p

Am praying Tiff won't think of reading my blog tonight...

Long weekend, yay!

Thanks to GMA's SONA, Monday is a holiday. Woohoo!

What to do? Tomorrow, shop for Lia's clothes (can't believe how fast she's outgrown her clothes). Tomorrow night - well, await Tiffany's arrival (hope we can chat as soon as your plane lands, Tiff, hehehe). Sunday, laze around. Oh, maybe drop by the salon and have my eyebrows thread(ed) and my hair cut. And pedicure and manicure. Monday, laze around some more. Hehehe.

Shaddup

I'm telling that to myself. After getting into trouble (twice, mind you) yesterday for not keeping my mouth shut.

The first one, for divulging information that I hadn't intended to...and leading to some people getting harassed and hurt. It was never intended - it was information that I "gave" because the topic of conversation was related to that particular matter.

The second one - for sharing a problem with someone...and her sharing it with people I least wished to share with. Now everyone's concerned over it. That's okay, except that that problem I had - it's already resolved. Sigh. Now the issue's back and am in big trouble again.

Haaaay, stress. Need facial.

Survived the first one!

Lia just turned one, and she had one heck of a party. See how it went!

June 26 a special day

Indeed. It's my daughter's birthday - and best friend John's, too!

No, I did not schedule my childbirth on this day. I was just as surprised as everyone! Of course, John was the first one I texted when my water broke that day and I knew I was already going to give birth. =p

So now - one more reason to celebrate June 26th!

Busy Momma

Uh-huh...preparing for Lia's first birthday party. Hehehe.

See my mommy blog for deetz.

My lost CDs

My lost CDs
Originally uploaded by micaela.

I finally mustered enough courage to think about my lost CDs again.

Here are some of my favorites that were lost along with my CD case.

=(

It used to be much simpler...

Yeah, life did. Not much worries, nor hurries. Plans there were not; everything was on impulse -- and back then, that was so much fun. Spontaneity was in.

Inflation was relative. Yes, we worried about money, but money is nothing. It was just money and you can always earn it.

Everyone was in love. Lived together, engaged, married - and stayed.

Why does it seem much complicated now? It should not be.

My precioussss, lost

Original, hard-to-find, favorite CDs - about 15 or 20 of them lost.

Left them in the cab this morning. Why o why did I leave them there? I could have left my lunchbox instead. But no. I had to leave my precious CDs.

With the help of June, I called up radio station DZMM and had my lost item/s announced. Called this particular station because I remembered the cab driver listening to Korina Sanchez while I was in his taxi.

Grieving.

Product Endorser! ;p

Product Endorser! ;p
Originally uploaded by micaela.

Last Sunday we had lunch in Tagaytay because it was my cousin Patty's birthday. I didn't bring Lia's yaya along, and Neil and I were left taking care of the little one (who, did I mention, is so kulit these days?).

We had lunch at Josephine's because Patty didn't think about getting reservations at Sonya's. I don't blame her - we went there on impulse, hehehe.

And...since Lia entertained herself in her high chair...here's what she did. Endorsed her Johnson's Isopropyl Alcohol (see picture). Hahahaha!

Thank God for best friends

Last week, no one knew what I was going through.

John insisted we go out last Thursday night.

I was not ready, but tears flowed. I could not help it. I wanted to stop, but it just went on. When I looked up, he was crying with me.

I felt very much comforted.

Back to reality

I'm really back to work! Actually, on my first day, I felt it already -- because I had a hard time leaving Lia in the morning (with her reaching out her arms to me while I said bye-bye), and because I rushed home right after work.

That's the sacrifice I had to make. The first week was hell for Lia and me. When I get home from work she'd scream out of excitement and wiggle out of her yaya's grip to go to me. And then she won't let go of me until she falls asleep. So you can see how difficult it is when I leave home again in the morning.

Nowadays I get by my Lia-sickness by calling home every now and then and talking to Lia (who just says "Ha?" "He!" "Bah!" "Aaah" and "Hehe").

My normal office hours are from 9 to 6. I was horrified when, one day, during week 2, I was asked to attend a meeting at 5:30 in the afternoon. That meant I was going home late. And then, last Friday, I was kept in the office because I was uploading stuff for the Web. My palms were all sweaty because I was agitated already, worrying about Lia.

I'm sure I'll get the hang of it. And I hope Lia understands.

Miracles do happen

A few weeks ago I said I was in my saddest state. I talked to the only one I knew who'd give me guidance and strength.

Not only did He give me those - He even answered my prayers.

A wonderful talk with a loved one

God gave me a sign when I asked for it. That night, I had a beautiful talk with this person. After that talk, things were better between us.

A job that I asked for

Soon after, I was called in for a job interview. A couple of days after, I was offered the job. With my desired salary (and benefits).

Thank You.

I asked for a sign...

Last night I was in my saddest state.

Everything seemed to fall apart. I wanted to call a friend, but didn't have the strength to even get up from the bed and reach for the phone. I was just stationary, lying down beside my daughter, who was also squirming and restless because of her cold.

Finally, when Lia found her sleep, I sat up. There was only one person to talk to.

I prayed. I talked to my Father, and asked for guidance. I asked Him to give me strength. I asked Him the unthinkable: to give me a sign -- and, if I won't receive it, then I will be doing a most drastic thing that would change my life forever.

He gave me a sign. I could not believe it, but He did.

Thank you, Father, for giving me hope.

Job-hunting again

With a full-time yaya, and my moolah slipping out of my hand faster than I can say "Shit!", I guess there are no excuses not to look for a job now. Darn it, Lia is excuse enough not to look for a job, but these days one income-earning body for the whole family (however small) is not enough. Neil and I really need to work.

So: I've been sending resumes here and there for the past two weeks already. While doing freelance writing of course (knowing I won't be getting my checks for these jobs any time soon because it takes them an awfully long time to pay). It's been a busy start-of-the-year for me.

Last Friday I was called for an interview with this company I had no knowledge about. I was like, oh no, shall I fall for a startup again? But then again, these startups, especially when they're very new, have lots of funds. So why not.

I got to their office (this old, dark office building in Ortigas) promptly at 3PM. I was called in at 5:30PM. Grrr.

After the usual Q&A, I was informed about the company's business: they create Web sites for international clients. And my specific role-to-be? A writer -- who will write reviews on...PORN movies! They asked me if I had any problem with it, and I said no as long as it was legal. Plus, they said yes to my asking price.

After the interview I called up John. Of course he told everyone. Everyone thinks I'm a porn movie reviewer now (knowing how chismis is spread) even if I've not been hired yet! Hahaha.

No, I haven't accepted their offer yet...plus I still have to wait for the company's call.

Wish me luck! (Because I realized I could not call on God for this kind of work, hehehe).

26 years ain't too bad...

Spent my 26th birthday last Thursday with family and close friends -- and, unlike my 22nd (where I thought of nothing but fun), or my 24th (quarter-life crisis looming), my 26th was a simple, genuine-happy one.

Thanks to everyone who didn't forget! And to those who thought of me but didn't have enough call credits to text or call (hehehe, you know who you are).

=)

Letting off steam before I go to sleep...

A long sigggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh....

First thing that pissed me off this afternoon: my lost SIM card. It was the SIM that I've been using for work. And I definitely could not afford to lose it because there was important data in there.

My atribidang yaya, who'd use my other unit (which I was using for this work SIM) for her SMS and calls, misplaced my SIM. I couldn't help but remind her (seethingly) that MY card was supposed to be the permanent one on that unit. I've already allowed her to use her SIM when she needs to call or text, and already told her she can have the unit on the 15th of the month (when my contract ends and I don't need the unit anymore)...but no. Apparently she's been using it already.

If only she weren't a patient and knowledgeable nanny....

Grrrrrr!!!

It's really so hard to get good help nowadays.

Next...I was reminded again of the yabang people I knew. I'm sorry, but I couldn't help but think -- this is what they probably do all day. Brag. Brag until they lose substance. Ang pangit. I find it so selfish.

I was comforted with the thought of my friend June. She's one of the humblest people I know. She comes from a rich family, but when she speaks there's not a trace of yabang. When she first saw the apartment we were living in, I was surprised at her comment. We used to live in an apartment like this, she exclaimed. Her eyes shone, delighting in every detail of the place. She was the only person who didn't mind that we were still renting (and not yet buying a permanent home, unlike other people -- "bakit pa kayo nagre-rent? di nyo pa kaya...?").

You know when you've planned something, and canceled every other thing already, prepared for that thing, woke up early even if you've just slept two hours...and then the person you planned it with cancels? Major Major piss-off.

Ookay...enough of this ranting. Will. relax. now.

Start of the year survey

I did this last year...and here I am at it again!

1. What did you do in 2004 that you've never done before?

Give birth.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

No. No.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Rex. His wife, I mean.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No. Thank God.

5. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?

A really really good (high-paying) job

6. What date from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

June 26. It was the day I gave birth to Lia. I was in labor for 8 hours.

7. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Giving birth!

8. What was your biggest failure?

Not resigning from the company asap. Had I known that they wouldn't pay my wages....

9. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Is nausea and vomiting considered illness?

10. What was the best thing you bought?

For myself? Nothing! I was too poor...

11. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Cam's. A renewed Christian!

12. Whose behavior made you apalled and depressed?

No one's

13. Where did most of your money go?

Checkups to the OB, medicines for the pregnant me, ultrasounds

14. What did you get really really really excited about?

At one point, my giving birth. I was already impatient and wanted to see my baby already

15. What song/album will always remind you of 2004?

I don't remember anymore! The anesthesia got to my memory cells already!

16. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?

I'm happier now

17. Thinner or fatter?

Hmm, thinner because I'm not pregnant anymore!

18. Richer or poorer?

Poorer

19. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Go out

20. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Complain

21. Did you fall in love in 2004?

No

22. What was your favorite TV program?

The Simpsons

23. Do you hate anyone now, that you didn't hate the same time last year?

Oh yeah. And I hate that I hate.

24. What was the best book you read?

Da Vinci Code!

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Re-discovery...Bond

26. What did you want and get?

Childbirth at the hospital of my choice

27. What did you want and not get?

This really good job...I was already at my final interview when I was asked if I was pregnant. WHen I told them I was, they turned me down.

28. What was your favorite film of the year?

Hmmm. Big Fish

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I had dinner at Bubba Gump with Neil, John, Patty, Leah, and Maiete. I was too nauseated and lazy to party. I turned 25.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurable satisfying?

Had I landed the job I really wanted.

31. Who did you miss?

Cam

32. Who was the best new person you met?

Hmmm. Re-met. Sheila, my sister-in-law. I got to know her better.

33. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004?

Do not EVER fight about finances with your life partner.

Contravidas

There is always one in every situation/event - at least in this life.

I can't help but think that maybe that's their purpose in life. Maybe it's because I can't think of any situation that I'm in their shoes. I was never a contravida!

What's the point of this entry?

Well, another contravida has taken her post...and I don't quite know how to handle her yet. Every time she argues about the project details, I just smile and nod. I'm sorry to say - I was getting good at the smile-and-nod-reply that I suspect she's noticing my glazed look and fixed smile...

Sigh...I guess I'd have to deal with her until the project ends....

Where have you all gone?

Why is it, that when you get married, all (well, almost) your single friends seem difficult to find? There was even one friend of mine, a month right after the wedding - after forever texting her, finally told me she hadn't texted me back because I was "married". What the--? She thought she was in the way of my married life, or something like that.

And then, I give birth...and all of them disappear! Exaggerating, I know. But it seems like! Someone told me she didn't want to "disturb" my maternal duties. Telephone calls in a rush. Text messages cut to just one exchange. John, who seemed like he wouldn't give up on me, started to (didn't call me for that Bond concert...in fairness, was apologetic when I told him I wanted to go and would even give up his seat for my lone one).

Please. Where did you all get the stupid idea that because I have a family now, I can't be talked to!? I know I have to schedule my appointments (unlike my past impromptu trips), but I will go.

I know I am a wife and a mother now. But I am, still, the Mica that you know.

Therapy

I didn't realize freelancing was stressful! Or maybe it's because I'm still getting used to the schedule (which I manage....with difficulty...hehe)...or maybe I just accepted too many jobs at once...

Anyway, yesterday I was up to my chin with my deadlines. At around 4pm I finally finished most of my major work. So I got up, packed away my faithful Vaio, and declared we were going out.

I dressed up my daughter Lia (who couldn't contain her excitement), packed her stuff, folded up her stroller, and we were off to Glorietta.

Natural high! Shopping, I mean. First stop was the baby department, of course. Since I forgot to put on Lia's shoes, I bought her a cheap but dainty pair right there. After buying her necessities, I shopped for Christmas tree trimmings.

I didn't get to complete my list, though, because we had to see Neil already. Nevertheless, It was great therapy for my tired soul.

I'm standing!!!

I'm standing!!!
Originally uploaded by micaela.

Here I stand

This is my four-month-old daughter Lia. She's learning how to straighten and stretch her legs, so she can stand.

It must feel good to be able to do that.

I'm still struggling myself.

Errand-girl

What is it with mothers/wives and errands? Do they really go together?

I'm starting to believe so!

Seems like every week I have an errand to run: bills payment, grocery shopping, hardware shopping (yup, there's always a faucet leaking or a furniture that lost some of its parts or screws), husbands-errands-which-are-now-mine, short (and repetitive) trips to the baby department to buy one or two of Lia's needs.

And yesterday I had no plans of buying anything at all...Just wanted to go to the mall because I had free time (thanks to my mother who volunteered to take care of Lia)...And then I come home with two heavy bags of groceries, plus a large bag of Lia's assorted hairthings (clips) and a pretty little white dress.

I love errands, though...beats the housewife-blues.

My best friend is engaged!!!

Yessss she is!!!! I'm really sorry to announce this in my blog, I know you don't want to announce it yet...but your family doesn't read this blog anyway so what the hell....

Congratulations, Tiffany! And Tadgh, of course!!! Hmm, I should have known Tadgh's surprise visit to the P.I. last summer meant something...to even set foot on this cursed land with the summer heat...sigh...who would have thought it was pure l-o-v-e (with matching batting eyelashes)...

Anyway, Tiff called me up the other day to tell me the good news. The news wasn't that surprising...what surprised me was the way she sounded! My god, Tiff sounded like she was really in love! I know, because she usually isn't that happy-perky, and she was always trying hard to keep her voice in a monotone. But no! Little Miss Frigid is now Little Miss Happy-Happy-Joy-Joy. Hahaha!

Get this: she couldn't even remember how Tadgh proposed! She just remembers seeing the box, opening it, and saying yes. Hahaha!

And, she's proudly wearing it! Tiff wasn't the type who'd wear jewelry. Now she has a platinum, princess-cut diamond (from the way she described it I figured it was), Calvin Klein engagement ring.

Are we all going to Ireland for your wedding? ;p

Is freelancing good for me?

So far I have not been successful with my job applications. =( It's either I'm not marketable anymore, or it's the Philippine economy that's causing it. I'd like to believe it's the latter's fault!

So. I've been taking freelance work from good friends. Working here at home while taking care of the little girl.

So far...it's driving me crazy. I feel like I'm back to my college days -- cramming.

Let's see how far I can go. Wish me luck!!!

Writer's Block!

I've spent almost the whole day in front of the PC and what do I write -- a measly sentence! And I was supposed to write a whole newsletter!!!

Grrrrrrr.

And then the Internet connection fails because someone picked up the phone. Does that really happen? Disconnection when the phone is picked up? I hate it!!!

I'm in a bad mood.

Is this a monthly thing already???

Sadly, I think it is! Waah. Logging on is such a luxury for me now that I'm a full-time mom! You should see me rushing to turn on my laptop and go online once my little one is asleep. I literally dizzy myself doing so many things at once!

Career status: do I even have one?

I've been trying to find a job since I gave birth. I'm wishing I don't have to, though, but times are hard, and these days we really need moolah to get by. I really don't want to leave Lia with a yaya while I go to work. It's not just because I don't want to miss out on her developments; it's also so difficult to find a good yaya, let alone trust her to take really good care of my baby.

So: I've been accepting freelance work from good friends. I'm now thinking that freelancing might be good for me (and Lia), since I'll be working at home while taking care of her! I was computing my income as a freelancer...and given that these jobs pay me on time, I'll survive.

Missing out on a lot?

Not really. It's more like missing the persons I used to go out with, talk to on the phone, exchange life stories with. Someone asked me if I missed going out anytime I wanted to, or going on an impulsive out-of-town trip...I do, honestly, but at the same time it doesn't upset me or put me in a depression when I'm thinking about it. Isn't it unbelievable? Mwehehe.

Family person...am I?

Up until now most of my friends are still in disbelief that I'm married, and have a kid. I still can't imagine, they'd say. Para kang trumpo na biglang huminto, they'd say, of my settling down and having a family.

Is it really unlike me?

Maybe...but I'm trying my best.

I had a chat with a friend a couple of days ago, and she gave me shocking news about her and her husband separating. Separated. Just recently. It was really a shock for me. I thought it would never happen to them. They were a couple who lived a simple life (from how I've known them), led a life with God. And they had a wonderful kid who was very well-balanced. Plus, they had a great sex life (I think they did, from the stories my friend would tell me). And now they're living apart.

It made me so sad, that night I asked Neil what would happen to our family if we separated. Of course, as usual, he brushed it off and said it would never happen.

I'm praying it won't. Praying for my friend and her family. Praying for families to stay together.

Blog on...I don't know when!

Sigh...

Back in the game...?

Hmm...almost two months of not blogging!!!! So what happened there???

First, and most important recent event in my life - gave birth to Lia Ysobel (check out Mommy Matters for details). =)

Second...well there's really no seconds...it's just all motherhood for me. =)

Now, am back to jobhunting.

Have to go check those job sites now. Be back soon!!!

Finally...

It's been more than a month since my last update. This is baaaddd.

As you can well guess...so many things have kept me occupied! Number one on the list: been helping my mom with her errands for her Canada trip. She left last Thursday already...but that doesn't mean things are more relaxed now...that's another story.

And then of course my situation with the office...I finally filed a case against them!!! Yay!!! This is the first time I've done this. John, be proud of me! Mweheheh. We'll be having our first hearing on June 17th (and I'm due to give birth on the 21st, ain't that great). Wish me luck.

And since I'm not going to the office on a regular basis, I've been running from SSS to Philhealth, paying my contributions and filing for my benefits. That darn company is making it difficult for me by not remitting my contributions.

And yes, am still running around, interviewing people and researching for my writing work...thanks to good friends Armel and Chiqui for the extra bucks!

And the most important of all...running around shopping for baby stuff. Not going to elaborate here anymore, got my other blog for that...

So now...am hoping I'd be able to update more often!!!

=p

Been a while!!!

A while is too long...

Believe it or not, I'm busier now that I'm unemployed! Yup, unemployed am I. (Gosh, it means it was that long ago since I wrote here!)

I still don't have the time to write things down now, though...will be back tomorrow instead. ;)

It's a GIRL!

(For those who don't read my mommatters blog)

Yup, everyone guessed right (except the Chinese calendar)! Had ultrasound during the weekend. Spent quite a while in the ultrasound room while the doctor figured out its gender.

So...in a few months we'll be meeting Ysobel. Yup, that's what we're naming her. I wanted to add Alessandra to her name, but the image of that darn jologs actress keeps popping into my mind. Aarrghh. Any ideas for a second name? =)

New blog, if anyone's interested

I've created a new blog: Mommy Matters. Figure it out. ;p

Out with the bad, in with the good ones

After almost a month of whining and worrying, I finally decided: this has got to stop (gosh, wasn't that too long???).

The whining and worrying, I mean. The other circumstances I cannot control, so I am just going to do what I can do.

1. I am 90% resigned that I can't get a job (transfer employment) now that I'm pregnant. Besides, people keep telling me to stop already - the effort of going to interviews and finding out later on that they can't/won't hire me because of the pregnancy is futile. So fuck them already.
   
   
2. Even if I'm not getting paid now, I will still get paid. I will just look forward to that day - and stop fretting over the past two months that I didn't get any moolah.
   
   
3. I will focus instead on my pregnancy, and motherhood. That's my new mantra. I will now keep a new journal for this (hmm, that journal given to me by John two Christmases ago is just perfect - it's themed "new beginnings"!).
   
   
4. I will start writing again.
   
   
5. I will *finally* organize our wedding pictures (yes, June and Bituin, finally). Why did it take me so long? Because now I can laugh about the eventful day. The good thing is, I can do part of it in the office! Yay! (For those who are wondering - we're not doing anything in the office at all. Everyone else is doing their own business. My boss is painting some craft thingy for her son, another team member is printing his own cookbook using the office printer, another is doing a paper for her MBA. Great, huh.)
   
   

See, there's so much good stuff to do?

Wish me luck. =)

Marketing and Me, not MFEO?

Realization. Yesterday, after a long time of wondering what I can do in this field (and vise versa), I suddenly realized: maybe I'm not made for this after all.

Maybe it's the circumstances. Because I'm so disappointed with my current job, not learning anything significant at all about marketing and its principles as I'd expected I would. And then what with the company ready to close down, what can I expect to learn here?

Maybe it's about hearing the truth. When the CEO of the company I used to work for interviewed me again for a marketing position, he had mentioned something that made me reconsider the (career) path I'm taking now. He had thought that I was cut out to be a writer, and that I was serious and passionate about my craft - and now was wondering why I was into marketing.

Maybe it's the circumstances (again). Friends are offering me writing jobs left and right - as if they never realized that for the last three months I had decided to try marketing. It was as if nothing had changed.

Maybe it's the disposition. The silent, reserved person working away on my PC, bringing to life words that were meant to live.

Maybe it's not marketing.

When it rains, it pours

I hate to have to vent this out in my blog, but what the hell.

Three things:

• The company closing down
  
• The company not paying its employees (and no definite date when - or if they will be able to after it closes down!)
  
• No companies hiring pregnant women
  
  

I need a miracle.

In the meantime, I'd just go on cross-stitching this cute little birth announcement thingy for my baby. Yup, that's what I'm doing AT WORK. Ain't it cool? Nothing to do anyways.

Absenteeism

...is one indication that an employee is not happy anymore with the company.

I didn't go to work today. I'm happy.

Neil says that if by the end of the week I don't get my pay, I should hand in my resignation letter.

Will I be able to find a job then?

Help me God.

Need: new job ASAP

Still haven't got paycheck. Not doing anything fulfilling at work. No sense of passion for job. Need I say more?

Although I already have prospects for my next possible employment, there's still the bulging issue - my pregnancy. Who would hire a pregnant woman? Of course, am hoping they would. Praying really hard.

So please say a little prayer for me too.

Quarter-life

Yup! 25 it is.

I spent my birthday with this feeling of - I can't place it properly - sublimity. I guess it had something to do with preparing for motherhood, while still trying to be career-oriented...at 25. I know I shouldn't burden myself with these issues now...so am trying...

Anyway, I spent a quiet day at home with Neil (had him file a 'birthday-of-wife' leave from the office, hehehe). Then we had dinner with very close friends - only a few of them. I guess I didn't feel like celebrating with a blast this year - mostly because I get tired too easily and might not enjoy a rowdy night.

Birthday wish? A normal and healthy baby. Yup, as one friend put it - Olats ka na. Sa baby mo na lahat. Hehehe.

Oh, and before I end this post - many thanks to the people who did not forget. =)

Late post-holiday post (whatever)

As soon as 2003 ended I started to think what to write in my blog. I had a million thoughts in my head - but I had to fall ill. Damnit. I was sick after Christmas and right through New Year's Eve and a few days after that. Disabled. Couldn't even sit up long enough to type.

Thanks to April she had this list of questions on her blog...and I thought, why not? Makes things easier for me, too. ;p

Here they are:

1. What did you do in 2003 that you'd never done before?

Went to a gay bar. Got married. (Wait. That's two totally different occasions!)

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Uh, no...

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Yes, Ginny.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No, thank God.

5. What would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003?

A child? Hehehe. Am having my first this year.

6. What date from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

May 31 of course! My wedding day. No dad, no choir, one maid-of-honor less, a borrowed flower girl...sigh. Ask anyone who was present.

7. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Finally get hitched...? Hehehe.

8. What was your biggest failure?

Deciding to get out of OHSI.

9. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Gastritis

10. What was the best thing you bought?

11. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Neil's.

12. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Rex, at one point.

13. Where did most of your money go?

Preps for the wedding: facials, beauty stuff, dinners

14. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Friends coming home to attend the wedding

15. What song/album will always remind you of 2003?

Norah Jones

16. Compared to this time last year, are you: happier or sadder?

Sadder. Last year was family reunion year so I was always out.

17. Thinner or Fatter?

Is pregnancy fat?

18. Richer or poorer?

A little richer, but feeling I've lost a lot.

9. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Go out

20. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Worrying

21. Did you fall in love in 2003?

Hmmm, yes, again

22. What was your favorite TV program?

Six Feet Under. Sex and the City came when I was too disabled because of my first trimester, so I didn't get to enjoy it.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

No, still hate the same old people, heehee

24. What was the best book you read?

Girl With a Pearl Earring

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Maksim

26. What did you want and get?

Confirmations...

27. What did you want and not get?

More time

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

FInding Nemo?

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

Spent with whole clan, first time to introduce Neil to the kin. Had fever. Then treated friends to Chilli's. 24 years.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

A nicer wedding.

5. Who did you miss?

Hazel, for my wedding.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

Uh, John's best friend Dick perhaps?

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003:

Patience is really the key.

Found my soul?


You are naturally born with a gift, whether it be
poetry, writing or song. You love beauty and
creativity, and usually are highly intelligent.
Others view you as mysterious and dreamy, yet
also bold since you hold firm in your beliefs.


What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla

Holiday frenzy - not

Nine days before christmas - and everyone's running around ticking off their christmas lists.

Not me!

Am disabled, and broke. Eek. Bad combination.

My doctor had one prescription for me: no malling. Imagine that!!! She said I can only go around after the holidays. Wah. It's just that the baby's been moving around a lot (i.e., my tummy's contracting) - that's why I need a lot of rest.

And then - they haven't paid me yet. Yup, delayed salary. That, plus I haven't received my last pay from OHSI yet. Equals one dukha person.

Sigh. This is the poorest I have ever been.

Really, get me out of here, please!

I'm not happy.

I don't know if it's too early to tell, but the co. has so far unimpressed me. Besides doing blah work for a month now, I'm not learning anything. At all.

And it's not as petty as the guard logging my every move, or the deductions from my 10-minute tardiness, or the warnings I get.

It just doesn't work for me.

And Neil won't believe me. Aarrrggghhh!

Pleaasssseee I want out.

I miss my YM days...

The very first thing I did when I entered my new job was to download the Yahoo Messenger program.

Alas - it was in vain. They did not allow chatting in my new office.

I told myself - it's okay; maybe it's time I lessened my online time. I should be okay with sending email to my friends.

It's driving me crazy!

I feel so out touch. I don't know what's going on with the world anymore. And, they don't know what's going on with me.

I've lost my touch with adjectives and expletives. Gone were the days when one single *status message* can stir up five hours of conversation with different people. Now I can't even precisely describe what I'm feeling (or maybe it's the pregnancy hormones, I don't know).

Micaela (Depresaka): Take me away from here!

Bored

Uh-huh. Am bored bored bored.

I don't know if it's just my hormones (yeah I've been miserable lately).

Bored bored bored.

We're pregnant!

Yes we are! =) Sneaky baby, I tell you. Never thought I'd conceive that soon. ;p The little one's five weeks now.

So far it's been the toilet bowl and me who've been sharing my recent mom experiences. Blech. Five to seven times a day, who can beat that?

Aaaaah. I hope this puking galore stops soon. Grow up fast, little one, or mom will have to look like the toilet bowl soon.

;p

A place where the heartache is worth it

Today is my last day of employment with OHSI.

Everyone got together for lunch. Two things: Rey's birthday, and my sendoff (it was sorta weird to read "Happy Birthday, Rey" and "Good luck, Mica" on the same cake, but what the heck, that's how it is there - it's all about sharing).

I was asked to speak. As I was doing so, I began to realize that - there was so much I wanted to thank the people and the organization for. The Web Team had special mention of course - without saying it, they had kept me going. (I almost broke down when my gaze met Liza's but I kept my poise for the sake of more than half the org - now composed of newbies and temps - who would have the last impression of me as strange and emotional.)

And then the president, Doji, spoke. Now that is one person who could say so much in just a short span of time. He traced my stay at OHSI, promptly detailing the significant events in my life as a team member. What was more amazing was that - he remembered what my goals were at that time that I entered the org, thereby ending his speech with the mention of the "legacy" I was leaving OHSI - the org's e-zine that I had EIC'd.

It took me until 930pm to finish arranging my files. I don't know if I was stalling (now I realize that I guess I was).

It pains me so much leaving OHSI. But I guess when something ends, something else begins.

Smelly people

I took Friday afternoon off to go to UP Diliman. I had to go apply for my LOA (again, arrrgggghhhh) and apply for my transcript. I brought along my good friend John.

Because I promised John that one day I'd take him to UP and tour him around, that afternoon was the best time for us to do it. Since he wasn't doing anything (at all), and I was kinda going to go around the campus because of the filing and paying and lining up, I figured it was best he went around campus that way - with a lot of walking, climbing stairs, waiting on steps, riding the ikot.

First stop was at Vidal Tan Hall, where the UP Open University office was located. John was thirsty, so I led him to the canteen, which - was not there anymore. I remembered there was a manang selling soft drinks at the back of the Faculty Center, so I led him there. Whaaat? he screeched (well not really, but he almost did). I'm going to drink there?

I would have loved to tease him and said yes, you're going to sit there along with the tambays. But I took pity on his pretty albeit sweaty face, so we just bought a bottle of Mountain Dew and walked back to the NISMED area, where he sat down the steps and decided to wait for me there while I run upstairs.

Next, we walked to the OUR. It was a looonnngg walk, since the OUR has been transferred to a far far faraway place. I had him sit down to rest while the Cashier screamed at me for being frikkin' late.

I then thought it was a good idea to take him to Crowded House. Off we went, towards the back of Vinzon's Hall. Ooops. Crowded House was - closed.

Instead, there were people there - lots of them. Some unloading from jeepneys and buses, some setting up a stage, others just sitting down. What is this? John asks. Sssssh, I motioned, as I led him away. What? he asks. And we had barely passed by every one of them when he commented, there's a certain smell here...

I tensed up. I took quicker steps and he followed. Don't say that! I warned him. We might end up bloody and barely alive!

What, what? he asked again. Sigh.

We just walked into a large group of rallyists preparing for the Bush arrival the next day. And my good friend had just called them smelly people. I could only shake my head.

We dropped by Balay Kalinaw, where the UP Press bookstore was located. John bought around P500 worth of books. I had nothing to do with it.

We planned to have dinner at Chocolate Kiss with Abi, Liza, and V - but before we did, we passed by the Shopping Center. John bought a pair of Mojos. Again, I had nothing to do with it.

Finally, dinner. We stuffed ourselves full. (By the way, thanks Liza for the dessert!!!)

Sigh. What a fine day that was.

At the end of the day, John and I were the smelly people from all the walking and sweating.

Moving on

Yesterday I gave my resignation letter to my boss.

I never heard the end of it from Leah and Miguel, as they tortured me the whole day, hoping I'd change my mind - or die from guilt.

It was not an easy decision.

Shifting to a (majorly) different path was one thing; leaving the company (most importantly, the people I became good friends with) was another.

Yes, it took me a painfully long time to finally find it in my heart to "abandon" (although not entirely) my craft, and turn to Marketing (my newfound competence, so to speak). It wasn't after much convincing by some of my friends that I could always write anytime that I stopped worrying about it.

And then there are the people I've grown to love. Three years of friendship and loyalty and support; triumphs and failures; laughter and tears (however personal or work-related) - this is something I can never exchange. And then I realized - this doesn't have to end. We can always continue to share these friendships even when we've all moved on.

On November 11, I'll be starting my new job. I'll be putting on a different face (Marketing and business attire - gasp!).

I just hope I like (and eventually, will love) what I'll be doing.

Wish me luck.

Happy and gay

Who said that men weren't nice? And kind, and gentle, and proper...and opened doors for you...and held your elbow when you crossed the street? And told you that you have more blush on your right cheek than your left...and watched a musical with you, and knew the words and what it was all about (and sang "I'm so pretty" with you)? And remembered that you didn't like vegetables and thought about putting them aside? And laughed with you hard even if your poise gets a little distorted because your mouth is wide open in genuine laughter and your arms are flailing up in the air for more drama?

Last Friday I went out with two male friends. Actually, one male friend and his date. Upon my enthusiasm (and insistence), I went out with them to watch a mini-Broadway production of Monique Wilson. Admittedly at first I thought I'd be the odd man out - I was wrong.

It didn't take a long time warming up to my friend's date. I think it started when we both asked the same question at once ("Are Kuh and Monique still together?"). Ah, yes. Showbiz is happy and gay, too. It didn't stop there.

No matter how shamelessly (o-kay, mildly then) they flirted with each other, I had a hell of a time with them. Just watching them like that, au naturel, made my night. They were two very true people.

Thank God for gay men.

"...Is there a sign painted on our faces that says 'sex, sex, sex'? If there's anything at all that's written on our faces, it's probably solitude." - Ronald Baytan (from Bongga Ka, Day!)

Should I stay or should I go?

I have a a final interview this Monday for a marketing job. Actually, we're already going to negotiate my salary.

I've been thinking it over this week. If it had been a job offered to me three months ago I would have grabbed the opportunity to get out.

I don't know why, but suddenly I have this nagging feeling that I should review my options again.

I found out it was because of this fear - fear that I'd be slowly veering away from my craft. The fact that it's a marketing job says it all. I still will write - boring press releases and newsletter stuff - but there's nothing like doing it full time, y'know?

Sigh. I hope I make the right decision.